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修改雅思作文In some countries young people are encouraged to work

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修改雅思作文
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In many coutries,young people are usually have a break rest before the enrolling in the university studies.Some of theme choose to have a travel and some of them decide to take for a work.Whether they choose which way between of them.I think it will be good for thier future life.
In common of the years,more and more people have noted that they couldn't be satisfied to get acknowledge from schools.They think they can learn from social activities,too.After from the examination of university,they always feel there is less stress than before.They have a spare time to do something they like.Meanwhile these young people can get learn how to take advantage of their theority knowledge into the really life.
Universities studies have difference with high shool.If they wanto become good students they must cultivated good study habit such as how to get along with the others.Nobody could teach them.So they must study by themselves in their spare time.
In my opion,some young people take their own time when they finishing high school to take outside activities can help them to improve their capility.They can open their eyes as well.
你写作好勤快啊,这个比上次那个好点.不过字数还是不够啊,差50多,错别字呢有coutries theme thier theority opion.
开头转述一下可以的,break就是休假的意思,不用加rest,你的观点是承认这些活动是有利的.
论据的时候,我发现你可能是理解错了In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.在高中毕业到大学开学之前的这段时间,不是大学期间的实践活动.
不过论据是比上次好的.
结尾段,大学更需要好的自学和交际能力是不错,但是没有和论题联系起来啊,这个和打工,外出旅游怎么联系呢?
如果你还会重写这篇,记住Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to this.你可以写,1.外出旅游.好处,拓展视野,增加见识,认识更多的朋友.坏处,会耗费经济.独自旅行会有一定危险性.2.打工,优点,挣钱,实际工作经验,如与专业相关,对大学学习有帮助,缺点,较低酬劳,辛苦.