逐句分析的追加5-10分,求帮修改作文,写错语法错误需要改正的地方,15分满分能打几分?.准备考四级的

逐句分析的追加5-10分,求帮修改作文,写错语法错误需要改正的地方,15分满分能打几分?.准备考四级的
食品安全问题令人担忧,你的看法.
in recent years,the safety of food has brought into focus.such as the SANLU milk powder,the crayfish,the dyeing steamed bread and the SHUANGHUI fresh meat.as the unsafe events of food occuring one by one,people are worry about the safety of food from now on.
as far as i am concerned,there are many reasons result in the food unsafety.first of all,most of businessman are just concerned about the profit of their productions.in order to gain the higgest profit,they add some harmful chemicals into the productions.what is more,they prefer the lowest prise raw materials rather than the highest qualify one.so they can take less money to make highest profit.finally,lack of the perfect management of goverment departments ,so the unsafe events of food can happen usually.
considering these,i think we should take series of measures to stop this kind of event from happening.i put forward the following suggestions.for one thing,our goverment departments should put forward the effective measures to control this kind of event happen again.for another thing,as businessmen,we can just think of the profit,we have a responsibility to ensure the satefy of productions

in recent years,the safety of food has brought into focus.such as the SANLU milk powder,the crayfish, the dyeing steamed bread and the SHUANGHUI fresh meat. as the unsafe events of food occuring one by one,people are worry【worried】 about the safety of food from now on.
as far as i am concerned,there are many reasons result【resulting】 in the food unsafety.first of all,most of businessman 【businessmen】are just concerned about the profit of their productions【products】.in order to gain the higgest【highest】 profit, they add some harmful chemicals into the productions【products】. what is more,they prefer the lowest prise raw materials rather than the highest qualify one.so they can take less money to【and】 make highest profit. finally,withoutf the perfect management of goverment departments , the unsafe events of food can happen usually.
considering these, i think we should take series of measures to stop this kind of event from happening.i put forward the following suggestions.for one thing, our goverment departments should put forward the effective measures to control this kind of event again. for another thing,as businessmen, we【they】 can just think of the profit,we 【they】have a responsibility to ensure the satefy of productions