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英语作文,帮忙改下语法错误啊,

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英语作文,帮忙改下语法错误啊,
Cristiano Ronaldo
I saw Cristiano Ronaldo for the first time when I was about fifteen years old.On that day,my father and I was watching the football games at midnight.At that time it was the 2010 FIFA World Cup when Cristiano Ronaldo played for Portugal National Football Team.That match was Portugal against to Korean.Although Portugal National Football Team was not a brilliant football team,the score was 7-0,which was really amazing for me.Cristiano Ronaldo played a key role in the match.I was attracted because he was so charming and vigorous that I even ignored other players.His shot and performance on the field caught my eyes.He had superb skills and ran fastly like a leopard.Then he continued to play for Real Madrid Football Club in Spain till now.Since then,I began to pay attention to football players.
A good football player is like a skillful collaborator who can coordinate the relationships between the football players.When they are in match,they don’t win the games by them own,so it isn’t a stage to show the advantages of their own.Football is a team sport,even the best football player cannot win the games by his own.They need to cooperate with other players shoulder to shoulder to win every match.Cristiano Ronaldo achieved this perfectly.He is such a football player who knows the importance of teamwork.He has superb skills so that he is a good winger,striker and center.No matter what position a good football player plays,he can handle it with ease and work with other players on the field.
I think everyone has his favorite football player.Whither it is his demeanor on the court or his skills,we just like him.So if someone is interested in football players,he don’t need to do research about all the football players.What he needs to do is to watch Cristiano Ronaldo,a skillful collaborator,in the match.
Cristiano Ronaldo
I saw Cristiano Ronaldo for the first time when I was about fifteen years old.(I WAS 15 WHEN i FISRT SAW CRISTIANO RONALDO.) On that day,my father and I was(WERE) watching the football games(GAME,NOT GAMES,PLUS,WHAT GAME?COMBINE THE NEXT TWO SENTENCES) at midnight.At that time it was the 2010 FIFA World Cup when Cristiano Ronaldo played for Portugal National Football Team.That match was Portugal against to Korean.Although Portugal National Football Team was not a brilliant football team,the score was 7-0,(IT AMAZED ME BY SCORING 7 GOALS AGAINST KOREA,RESULTED FROM THE KEY ROLE RONALDO HAD PLAYED IN THAT GAME.) which was really amazing for me.Cristiano Ronaldo played a key role in the match.I was attracted because he was so charming and vigorous that I even ignored (COULDN'T GET MY EYES AWAY FROM HM) other players.His shot and performance on the field caught my eyes.(YOU'LL HAVE TO CHANGE THE TIME TENSIONS HERE IF THE TOPIC IS SWITCHED FROM THAT VERY DAY YOU FIRST SAW RONALDO)
FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN,He had (RONALDO HAS) superb skills and ran(RUNS) fastly(FAST) like a leopard.AFTER THAT GAME,Then he (HAS )continued to play for Real Madrid Football Club in Spain till(UNTIL) now.(EVER SINCE)Since then,I began to pay (MORE)attentionS to football players.
A good football player is like a skillful collaborator who can coordinate the relationships between(AMONG) the football players.(DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY HERE.) When they(WHO?) are in match,they don’t win the games by them(THEIR) own,(END OF THE SENTENCE).so it isn’t a stage to show the advantages of their own.Football is a team sport,even the best football player cannot win the games by(ON) his own.They need to cooperate with other players(OF THEIR TEAM),shoulder to shoulder,(COMMA HERE IS VERY IMPORTANT.)to win every match.Cristiano Ronaldo achieved this perfectly.(BETER JUST SAY CRIS IS A VERY GOOD TEAM PLAYER AND HAS DEMOSTRATED YOUR POINT PERFECTLY AND THAT'S WHY YOU LOVED HIM) He is such a football player who knows the importance of teamwork.He has superb skills(REPEATING,HE HAS ALL THE SKILLS THAT HE NEEDS TO BE A SUPERB WINGER,STRIKER AND ATTACTIVE MIDDLEFIELDER.AND YOU BETTER TELL YOUR AUDICE THAT HE CAN PLAY MANY POSITIONS EARLIER TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND BETTER.) so that he is a good winger,striker and center.No matter what position a good football player plays,he can handle it with ease and work (WELL) with other players on the field.
I think(DELETE "I THINK") everyone has his favorite football player.Whither it is his demeanor on the court or his skills,we just like him.So if someone is interested in football players,he don’t need to do research about all the football players.What he needs to do is to watch Cristiano Ronaldo,a skillful collaborator,in the match.(DON'T GET YOUR CONCLUSION.WORK ON THAT.GOOD WORK IN GENERAL.HOWEVER,YOU MAY WANNA READ THROUGH THE WHOLE THING AGAIN AND MAKE THE WHOLE LOGIC RIGHT AND CLEAR FIRST)