要幽默的英语小短文,不少于100个单词

要幽默的英语小短文,不少于100个单词

Talking clock 会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly,someone screamed from the other side of the wall,"Knock it off,you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意.“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他.“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答.“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问.“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋.突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest.One of them suddenly fell down by accident.He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.The operator said calmly:"First,you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说：“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡.”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”
There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000; another one,$10,000; and the third one,$30,000.The customer asked the owner,“How come this guy is $5,000?That’s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said,“Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him,“How about this guy?What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said,“Well,apart from talking,he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said,“How about the third one?What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid,“I don’t know.Normally,I have never heard him talk,nor dance,nor whistle,nor sing,nothing at all!But the other two call him ‘The Boss.’” 老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉.店里有三只鹦鹉,其中一只卖五千元,另一只卖一万元,还有一只卖三万元.顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元?这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了!」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话.」顾客又问：「那这只呢?他会做什么?为什么要卖这么贵?」老板说：「他除了会说话之外,还会表演一些有趣的动作,好比说跳舞等等,所以才卖这么贵.」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢?他会做什么?为什么要卖这么贵?」老板说：「我不知道.我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌,也没看过他跳舞,什么都没有!不过另外两只叫他：『老板!』」
“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars!Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元.” “20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元.” “是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了.”
I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy,why have you got cotton-wool in your ear?Is it infected?" "No,sir,but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other ,so I am trying to stop it." “孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?” “没有,老师.可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面.”