帮忙批改一篇英语作文这是自考英语（二）上面的作文 我写的感觉非常糟糕，请好心的朋友帮忙修改。书本上规定作文写作要求如下1

帮忙批改一篇英语作文
这是自考英语（二）上面的作文 我写的感觉非常糟糕，请好心的朋友帮忙修改。书本上规定作文写作要求如下1使用丰富的语法结构和词汇2语言自然流畅语法错误极少3有效地采用多种衔接手段，文字连贯，层次清晰。第一语言方面 把语言错误降到最低限度，1主谓一致2时态 3冠词的用法4名词的单复数5搭配问题6单词的拼写第二结构层次方面 句子之间的衔接 因果 转折 对比 顺序 目的 否定
作文题目 原文 Technology in the Home
Technology is everywhere today, especially in the home. We'd like you, the readers, to write a short
article telling us two things you would find most difficult to live without. Don't forget to say why.
The three best article will be published in our magazine
科学技术在家庭生活中很重要，它极大地改善了我们的生活质量，让我们的生活变得更方便和充满乐趣
有两项科技在家庭中是不可或缺的，电视机和电脑，有了电视机你可以收看新闻，不必读报纸就可
了解每天发生了什么新鲜事
欣赏精彩的电视节目，不必去电影院就可以在见家看电影，当孩子写完作业时，他们可以看看动画片
同时增长知识，当你觉得无聊时你也可以，看电视打发时间
家庭里没有电视机是无法想象的
另一个不可家庭中不可缺少的科技就是电脑，有了电脑你可以轻松的完成很多事情，电子邮件让写信变得更加
方便，你可以使用互联网获取你感兴趣的新闻和知识，通过聊天软件你可以方便的和朋友保持联系，
并且有了电脑你甚至可以再家里工作而不必再到办公室里去上班，若果你累了想放松一下
你可以玩很多有趣的游戏，这一切让我们的家庭生活更美好
如果没有电视机和电脑生活将会是另一个样子，我们离不开这2样东西。
Technology is very important in the home life.it proved our life quality extremely,and make our
life more confortale and fun.
There were two things most diffficult to live whithout in te home.televison and couputer were most
important and useful in our home , instead of read papers you can get nwes and knowing what
happend by watch TV.enjoy the fabulous programs(even though have some advertisements).you can see
the movies at home not have to go to the cinema. children can enjoy the cartoon when finished
they's homework.you can watch TV to kill the time when you feel boring .you can't image the scene which without TV in home.
other one is computer.you can do many things by computer easly.It is more converintly which
send a email compare with the traditional letter.you can use the internent get the nwes and
interresting information which you want.use the soft of commucation such as QQ SMN ect you can keep in touch with
your fridents closely.you can work at home so that you not have to go to the office.if you want relax there is
many interesting games .all of this make our life better.
if we have not TV and computer. life will be a different way ,we can't leave it in the home.

1.建议通篇用一般现在时 2.it extremely proves... 3.and makes 4.comfortable 5.it is nearly difficult to live without it 6.reading 7.know 8.and enjoy 9.instead of going10.when they finish their11.you can't imagine that you don't have TV in the home12.the other is...13.easily 14.it is more convenient to send an e-mail than the ... 15.to get news and interesting...16.you can use the commucation software such as QQ,MSN by which you can keep...17.so that you don't have to...18want to relax there are19.all of these 20if we don't haveTV...21.life will be in a ..