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请高手帮忙改英语作文的一部分,内容很空洞,都是大白话.主要看语法,

来源:学生作业帮 编辑:拍题作业网作业帮 分类:英语作业 时间:2024/04/28 20:40:34
请高手帮忙改英语作文的一部分,内容很空洞,都是大白话.主要看语法,
My love story
Well,it’s pretty long about my love story.I met my present boyfriend in October 2007,I was 18.
You know that a girl in that age is very pure,me too.I used to write some little things about my life in internet blogs,like what I did today,what my mood was like today,something like that.Then,one day,I found a stranger who called ‘A Worm In Beijing’ had visited to my website without leaving a word,it’s common ,because in internet,people do not always say something to someone they don’t know.So I did not put my mind on this,I just thought:“Oh,it’s a funny name”,that’s all.
Since that,he had always come to visit me,but still saying nothing.I learnt that he is a handsome guy who lived in Indonesia.Perhaps he is not Chinese,I thought.So I went to his website one evening and said in English:“Are you Chinese?” I got his replies immediately:“I am Chinese,but I work in Indonesia now”.That was in Chinese.Then,at that night,we had talked a little about each other.I learnt that he was 20,and he’s from Beijing and had worked in Indonesia for six months.
I didn’t think he could become to a person who is important to me at that time,I thought he just a passer in my life.But,you never know what is coming for you,don’t you?
One day,we met again,he asked me for my phone number because he was very busy so that he couldn’t always keep using the blog to chat with me.I hesitated,because I did not know if he was a bad man or not.He seemed to know what I was thinking,so he said:“its okay,if you don’t want to give me the number,I understand,I am still a stranger to you now,I just want to learn you more,and I also can wait.” So I didn’t give him my number.Since that,we had talked some in internet for sometime when we had free time.
During the next three months,we spent as much time as possible chatting.He was very humorous that I couldn’t help laughing at something he had talked.He’s also kindly.Then,at the night on the eve of Spring Festive Day,I gave my number to him.He was so surprise.
The next day,I got a phone call.There was too much zeros in the front of the number.I had a feeling that was him.I received the call.A voice came through the phone,“Hello” he said.I said hi to him too.It was the first time I heard his voice and I was excited that I did not know what to say,he either.After saying hello,we both fell silent.Then,he broke the silent with a trembling “Happy new year”.Ha-ha!We both were so awkward.
Well,actually,I can’t remember more than that what we had talked at the first time.But since that,he had always called me from Indonesia.
的确是大白话,句子结构非常单一,当然你不要求我也不提了,语法大体都对
有两处提一下:
I didn't think he could become to a person who is important to me at that time,I thought he just a passer in my life.
become 后面不加to 建议改成 become someone who is important to me.
第二处:
There was too much zeros in the front of the number.
这个不用说怎么改了吧,你都给zero加s了 怎么还用much呢?