英语翻译Without you,I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the sid

英语翻译
Without you,I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway.I have gift anxiety,even through I don't know when your birthday is.We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together.I swear,I'll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking.If you consent to live with me,I'll clean the toilet every week.I'll do it with my tongue if you ask.I will strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary.I'll love you.Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it "May May".I will only pass gas underneath the covers and under the direst of circumstances.Hell,I'll go on a low cholesterol diet.And I won't buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis.Your parents can come visit us every week,even if your mom is a witch with a capital B.And your folks don't have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us.I declare,I'll separate the whites from the colors and learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes.I'll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on my makeup.If you're a cat person,I'll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning,but a cat can't.I will happily go see chick flicks with you,like "Pride and Prejudice".I'll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo.I won't curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it.I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask,"Is my hair looking okay tonight?" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle".I'll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day.I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me!And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart.I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys,and I'll never leave my socks on the floor.With me,you'll find the cap is always on the toothpaste.I'll start wearing those bikini style underwear if you like.My belly button will always be lint free.I want to full-on kiss your clitoris.It will be the most passionate,intimate experience you've ever had.I declare now,I will give my life for you.And if you fail to come to me,I know some part of me will surely die.

没有你,我很寂寞,就像路边被抛弃的狗一样,我很想送你一件礼物,虽然我不知道什么时候是你的生日.我们可以一起度过购物和打扫卫生的美好时光.我发誓,当你轮胎擦着路边平行泊车时我永远不会说俏皮话的.如果你愿意和我住在一起的话,我会每个星期都清洁厕的.如果你让我用舌头去舔,我也会很乐意去做的.我会将我的词汇里的"警报器"和"爱情火箭"删除.我会爱你的,即使你的名字是'Mimi',而你让我读成"MayMay" .我会只让气体通过盖子的下面和周围的下方.地狱啊,我要选择低胆固醇的饮食.当我遇到中年危机时我不会买那些红色跑车.你的父母每个星期都可以来探访我们,即使你的妈妈是一个很可怕的巫婆.你的亲戚们也可以不用去退休的人居住的房子,因为他们可以来与我们住在一起.我宣布,我将从各种颜色中区分出来白色,我还会学会用冷水和热水洗衣服的秘密.当我等你给我化妆时,我绝对不会气恼和大声喘气.如果你是一个猫人,我永远也不会指出这样一个事实,当你溺水时狗可以救你而猫却不能.我会快乐地看你和小鸡嬉戏,就像 "傲慢与偏见" 中那样.我会尝试做点新的食物如黄秋葵.我不会朝着由奶酪掩盖其难闻的味道的蔬菜上卷鼻子.我保证当你问："我的头发今晚好看吗" 我总是说："是的".我会给"拥抱"带来一个全新的意义 .我每天都会考虑周到地读你的占星术.我会珍藏你送我的每一个生日贺卡!当我们不在一起时,我会给你写真情的信.我再也不会让你知道我把我的车钥匙放哪儿了.我再也不会把我的袜子放在地板上了.和我在一起,你会发现帽子永远在牙膏上.如果你喜欢的话,我会开始穿那些比基尼式的内衣.我的腹部枕头将永远是免费的.我想全职亲吻你的阴蒂,这将是你曾经历的最有激情,最亲密的体验.现在我宣布,我会把我的生命给你.如果你不来的话,我知道我的有些部分一定会死.
本人翻译,
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