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帮忙改一下SAT的作文

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帮忙改一下SAT的作文
The prompt is that should we wait for everything to come or is destiny something we cannot wait for?
My essay:
In my point of view, one should not wait for anything to come but fight for every opportunity so that one can fulfill his or her dreams. My essay is going to prove this standpoint by telling an ancient Chinese fable and giving two examples of famous people in history.
The fable is about a farmer who was lazy. While finishing work at his farm one afternoon, the farmer saw a rabbit hit into a tree and died. Happily, he ate the rabbit and started waiting beside that tree next day, hoping that another rabbit will come and hit the tree. Giving up farming, the farmer died several days after because of hunger, since obviously, no rabbit came. The moral of this fable, which Chinese parents tell to their children in an early age, is that one cannot just wait for miracles to happen.
Secondly, the establishment of the concept of universal gravitation supports my idea well. If that apple had dropped on another person’s head in stead of Newton’s, it would have probably been eaten immediately. It is the curiosity and hard-working that drove Newton to found the law of universal gravitation. Thus, if one only waits, even if opportunities come, he or she will not be able to catch them.
Moreover, the invention of lamps showed that working persistently, not waiting, is crucial on the way to success. Edison tried over a thousand different types of material in order to work out the most suitable one, and finally he succeeded. The best fit material could not jump out itself if Edison did not try them, and we may still use candles to illuminate today.
In conclusion, by considering the aforementioned examples, it is apparent that waiting for opportunities is useless. Destiny is not something that one can wait for, on contrast, one must work industriously in order to create his or her own destiny to achieve life goal.
One should not wait for things to come but fight for every opportunity so that one can fulfill his or her dream. The following essay is going to prove this point by giving an ancient Chinese story and other two examples of famous people in the history.
The story is about a lazy farmer. While working at his farm one afternoon, the farmer saw a rabbit hitting into a tree and then died. He happily took the rabbit away and cooked it and then started waiting beside that tree the following day, hoping that another rabbit would come and hit into the tree. Giving up farming, the farmer died of hunger several days later, since obviously, no rabbit came again. The moral of this fable, which Chinese parents often tell their children, is that one cannot just wait for miracles to happen. 寓言来support不太好.最好是具体的事儿,真事儿.
Secondly, the establishment of the concept of universal gravitation supports my idea well. (这句话很别扭.)If that apple had dropped onto another person’s head in stead of that of Newton’s, it would have probably been eaten immediately. It is curiosity and hardwork that drove Newton to discover the law of universal gravitation. Thus, if one only waits, even if opportunities come, he or she will not be able to catch them.
Moreover, the invention of lamps showed that working persistently, not waiting, is crucial on the way to success. Edison tried over a thousand different types of material in order to work out the most suitable one, and finally he succeeded. The best fit material would not jump out itself if Edison had not try them, and we might still use candles to illuminate today.(最后一句话有点绝对)
In conclusion, by considering the aforementioned examples, it is apparent that waiting for opportunities is useless. Destiny is not something that one can wait for, in contrast, one must work industriously in order to create his or her own destiny to achieve their life goals.
加油吧.