谁能帮我修改下这篇英语作文?改了几遍批语还是这样...

谁能帮我修改下这篇英语作文?改了几遍批语还是这样...
这是要求：就本校食堂的情况给校长写一封抱怨信,可以谈及比如菜式、卫生状况、服务、价格、用餐环境等方面.
批语：作者词汇表达较为熟练,学术词汇使用不是很多；可适当增加从句和复杂句使用；行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用；请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开；副词使用偏多
Dear principal,I'm sorry to interrupt you just because I have to complain about the bad situation of the canteen.It has dissatisfied me so long that I couldn't put up with the canteen any longer.
The situation of the canteen is really terrible.On the one hand,the meals in the canteen dissatisfied me.As everybody knows,the varieties of the dishes in the canteen are so monotonous,some of which are too spicy and heavy to some people.In addiction,perhaps because of the increasing price,the meat in all dishes becomes less and less,which frequently leads to my hunger.On the other hand,the environment in the canteen is not satisfactory enough.The reason why I couldn't eat happily is that the dim light upset me.Embarrassingly,there are not any public washrooms in any canteen,so it is not convenient to the students who have meals in the canteen.Last but not least,the sanitary condition in the canteen is intolerable.Not only the dishware is dirty but also the food is not very fresh.What a pity!
I think I really couldn't continue tolerating the terrible situation of the canteen any longer,so I have to complain to you though I really don't want to interrupt you.To tell the truth,I sincerely hope the situation of the canteen will be improved in your glare.

Dear principal,
I'm sorry to interrupt you because I have to complain about the bad situation of the canteen.It has dissatisfied me so long that I couldn't put up with the canteen any longer.
The situation of the canteen is really terrible.The meals in the canteen dissatisfied me.As everybody knows,the varieties of the dishes in the canteen are so plain,some of which are too spicy and heavy to some people.In addition,perhaps of the increasing price,the meat in all dishes becomes less and less,which frequently leads to my hunger.Further more,the environment in the canteen is not satisfactory enough.The reason why I couldn't eat happily is that the dim light upset me.Embarrassingly,there is no public washroom in the canteen,so it is not convenient to the students who have meals in the canteen.Last but not least,the sanitary condition in the canteen is intolerable.Not only the dishware is dirty but also the food is not very fresh.
I think I really couldn't continue tolerating the terrible situation of the canteen any longer,so I have to complain to you though I really don't want to interrupt you.To tell the truth,I sincerely hope the situation of the canteen will be improved.
I think you try.But you had used many words which you have learn somewhere but do not really know how to apply.Common words which many student copy from each other and any how apply are,on the other hand,what's more,perhaps,further more,etc.I hope you don't use for the sake of using
再问： 没用啊 批语还是一样的 内容相关的分数还是很低...... 我明明写得很扣题呀~ 怎么办？
再答： is it an on-line tuition? The reply could be auto if it is an on-line excersize/wrokbook, otherwise the remark can not be the same. I think your creation is good enough and when i correct it, I must keep your originality so as not to distort what you wanted to express. I just correct your essay to make it more pleasant to read
再问： 你能看出为何内容相关性的分数会低吗？我写的不对题吗？求指教！！！
再答： 你对题了。