作业帮ggjj帮我评一下托福作文,能的多少分?
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ggjj帮我评一下托福作文,能的多少分?
让太傻伤透心了!放了好几天,看得人不少,就是没人帮着改改,逼不得已了!
36.Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people's lives.
With the rapid pace of the technology,there are so many kinds of transportation available at presents,among which,in my opinion,automobiles change people's life to a large extent for the reasons as follows.
First of all,automobiles make people's life more convenient and comfortable.One hundred years ago,to be specific,before the invention of the automobile,no matter where people go,they have to go there on foot,of course,it is inconvenient if the destination is so far away.Especially on the sweltering days,with so high temperature,people have to withatand the extreme temperature while they are traveling.However,with automobiles,people may drive a car to anywhere they want and during the travel they can trun on the air conditioner to stay cool.
Furthermore,transportation of the commodities is more convenient than the past,so people might buy more things.staples are mainly produced in the local areas or the vicinity,few would dispute that in ancient times,people in the northern part of China never have tasted the fruit produced in the sounthern part of China,there is an impressive example I need to metion here.In theTang Dynasty,the queen want to eat litchi,so during the transportation,hundreds of horses are exhausted to death,from which one can imagine how inconveniently if the commodities are transported without automoniles.
Finally,according to a recent survey,there is an increasing number of cars entering the market every year.Consequantly,the traffic is overcrowed.In addition,the emission of the cars pollutes the air atmosphere,when people inhale the polluted air,their lung may be badly damaged.With respect to the increasing number of cars,they also generate large amount of noise which of course make people uncomfortable when they are concentrating their work.
From what has been discussed above,automobiless truly change people's life in so many aspects,and some of them are beneficial to people,while others are unfavorable and damage people's health condition.Thus,great effort should be made to make automibile a perfect product.
我考10t的,同道中人可以交个朋友互改一下,我自认为水平还不错!
让太傻伤透心了!放了好几天,看得人不少,就是没人帮着改改,逼不得已了!
36.Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people's lives.
With the rapid pace of the technology,there are so many kinds of transportation available at presents,among which,in my opinion,automobiles change people's life to a large extent for the reasons as follows.
First of all,automobiles make people's life more convenient and comfortable.One hundred years ago,to be specific,before the invention of the automobile,no matter where people go,they have to go there on foot,of course,it is inconvenient if the destination is so far away.Especially on the sweltering days,with so high temperature,people have to withatand the extreme temperature while they are traveling.However,with automobiles,people may drive a car to anywhere they want and during the travel they can trun on the air conditioner to stay cool.
Furthermore,transportation of the commodities is more convenient than the past,so people might buy more things.staples are mainly produced in the local areas or the vicinity,few would dispute that in ancient times,people in the northern part of China never have tasted the fruit produced in the sounthern part of China,there is an impressive example I need to metion here.In theTang Dynasty,the queen want to eat litchi,so during the transportation,hundreds of horses are exhausted to death,from which one can imagine how inconveniently if the commodities are transported without automoniles.
Finally,according to a recent survey,there is an increasing number of cars entering the market every year.Consequantly,the traffic is overcrowed.In addition,the emission of the cars pollutes the air atmosphere,when people inhale the polluted air,their lung may be badly damaged.With respect to the increasing number of cars,they also generate large amount of noise which of course make people uncomfortable when they are concentrating their work.
From what has been discussed above,automobiless truly change people's life in so many aspects,and some of them are beneficial to people,while others are unfavorable and damage people's health condition.Thus,great effort should be made to make automibile a perfect product.
我考10t的,同道中人可以交个朋友互改一下,我自认为水平还不错!
结构还是很清楚的,当然我个人喜欢在头尾重申3个point,看你的习惯了.
我觉得问题主要是在论述上,你3个point的头2个第一是像hwywt所说的那样有点重复,第二是论述不够严谨,也不够聪明,比如你说100年前人要去某地只能走路,这就是很武断的说法,起码那时候还有马车,这种问题会降低你的说服力,写作文不能太绝对,这是大忌；又比如说运东西,你的论述也有漏洞,因为汽车需要道路才能跑起来,而如果你想到了这点,你就可以把文章写成汽车的出现推动了各种相关行业和领域的发展,改变了国家的经济结构,推动了现代化什么的,立意就高很多了,同样得分也会提高.
所以我觉得你的结构ok,但问题出在你论述的过程不够严谨,看看打了不少字,其实意思还是稍显单薄,所以你应该在论述的严密性,观点的逻辑关系和思维深度上多下功夫.至于文字比较平实,没有什么硬伤,但也没什么明显的亮点或者地道表达.从句用的还ok,也许这就是你觉得自己水平还可以的原因吧.
如果打分的话,你这篇文章应该是23-25分的水平(按照30分满分考虑的,没有把小作文计算进去,纯粹是个毛估)
我去年10月份考的,当时作文是28分,总分105,以上意见可以参考一下.
我觉得问题主要是在论述上,你3个point的头2个第一是像hwywt所说的那样有点重复,第二是论述不够严谨,也不够聪明,比如你说100年前人要去某地只能走路,这就是很武断的说法,起码那时候还有马车,这种问题会降低你的说服力,写作文不能太绝对,这是大忌；又比如说运东西,你的论述也有漏洞,因为汽车需要道路才能跑起来,而如果你想到了这点,你就可以把文章写成汽车的出现推动了各种相关行业和领域的发展,改变了国家的经济结构,推动了现代化什么的,立意就高很多了,同样得分也会提高.
所以我觉得你的结构ok,但问题出在你论述的过程不够严谨,看看打了不少字,其实意思还是稍显单薄,所以你应该在论述的严密性,观点的逻辑关系和思维深度上多下功夫.至于文字比较平实,没有什么硬伤,但也没什么明显的亮点或者地道表达.从句用的还ok,也许这就是你觉得自己水平还可以的原因吧.
如果打分的话,你这篇文章应该是23-25分的水平(按照30分满分考虑的,没有把小作文计算进去,纯粹是个毛估)
我去年10月份考的,当时作文是28分,总分105,以上意见可以参考一下.