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非常感谢你的回答,能否帮我看下我这篇短文是否有大的问题!

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非常感谢你的回答,能否帮我看下我这篇短文是否有大的问题!
My grandfather is my most important relatives in my life.
在我小的时候,当时的我很调皮,经常闯祸.有一次,那是在我6岁的夏天,我一个人去游泳.正当我往河中间游的时候,我的脚突然抽筋了.我喝了好多水.我想,我可能会死,但是,在这个时候,是我的祖父用他那有力的手救了我.获救后,还轻声的安慰我.我永远忘不了他当时温暖的笑容.
When I was a kid,I was very mischievous ['mistfves],always looked for trouble.On one occasion(有一次),it was my 6 year old in the summer noon.I went swimming in the river alone.when I was Swimming to the middle of the river,a sudden cramp in my foot.In the struggle,I've had been drinking a few riverwater.I think I might die.At this time,my grandfather with his powerful hand saved me.After being rescued['reskju:],he comforted me softly.I'll never forget his warm smile.
虽然他不在了,我依然怀念他.
I still miss him very much even though he passed away long time ago.
1.alwanys looking for trouble,主句为一般过去式,而此处意在表达“找麻烦”,不能用一般过去式动词表达,与look本身词性有关.2.Once upon a time ,or,once ever 表示“有一次”可能更合适.3,One summer afternoon When I was 6.中文意欲表达“游到河中央”,WHEN I WAS APPROACHING THE CENTER FROM THE EDGE,7,I cramped suddenly,8,一个简单事实,"我喝了好多水'"此处建议用一般过去式,上下文无时态冲突.除此之外,“喝了少许水”此处只能用SOME.9,I THOUGHT I MIGHT GET DROWN.10.“此时”发生在过去,用“right then”也许更合适.11.“在这个时候,是我的祖父用他那有力的手救了我”,表达有失误,用with不合适,by,表方式.12After being rescued['reskju:],he comforted me softly.明显的主语错位.确定一个主语,如,I.After being rescued,Iwas comforted softly by him.