How did I change my attitude toward my father?

How did I change my attitude toward my father?
My father was an old revolutionary.He spent the better part of his life on in-fighting
during the Cultural Revolution.Since he was in the turmoil era for so long,he
didn't know what the love was and how to express the love to his sons and daughters.
He acted as a military commander rather than a father in the family.I still remember
the din of quarrels and curses between my parents when I began to know things.
He treated me like dirt and deserted me as I needed his help most.To such a person,
there was nothing left but hatred.I despised him from my very heart.Now,he is old,
he wants me to take care of him.Pooh!I nearly throw up when I think how he treated
me in the past.
For the past several months,things have changed.That is the heritage which he
intented to leave to our three siblings.In order to get the legacy,I have to change
strategy.Now he is in the hospital and medicated there.I shouldn't appear to be un
'ungrateful son'.Instead,I have to pretend to frequent his ward as much as possible.
I try to make euphric compliments and flatteries before him.I ask him about what he
needs,whatever he wants,I will get them for him,even stars.He wanted to taste
homemade sweet damplings,I searched half of the city for them.I even have learned
to massage and wash his body.It's so disguasting!I look forward to his death as
soon as possible to end my service.How hypocrisy!
It seems that I work as an actor who plays two characters.One is cool,aloof and
real myself.I still hate him and despise him.This role is easily played because it
is real me.The past horrible memories can not be easily erased from my mind.The
other role is a submissive,happy-go-lucky and carefree man.He holds tears and
bites the bullets to force smiles to make his father feel happy and comfortable.I
dislike it because it's against my willing and nature.I still believe that one gets
what he sows.One sows nothing,he will get nothing.Why should he get what
doesn't belong to him?that includes respect,love and affections.He doesn't
deserve to be treated like an qualified father.I am in dilema.what do you think of
that?Please give your valuable advice.

Thank you for your long story and being candid to yourself.If you want my advice,keep pretending to be a good son.Whenever you want to give up,just think of the money he will give to you and hold on.
However mean you may think of him,that's just your single-sided point of view which may not be fair enough.For one thing,he brought you into this world,and most importantly he brought you up,at least,he worked hard to support your family.Just think of those irresponsible fathers who simply left their families and left their children behind.You're still among the lucky ones.Have you ever realized that it's your damned father who made you the person you are today.Aren't there anything nice and sweet you had with him in the past?And there are just so many of us who are regretting that they didn't treat their parents nicely enough when they were alive.And they don't have any chance now.
Even if there was and is nothing good at all of him,he's still your father,and he's ill now.Can you just imagine that you're doing charity work?
Before I finished reading your story,I was actually expecting a happy ending that after doing all this unwillingly for his father,the son finally found that he loved his father.
I've never been in your boots,but I believe there's unconditional love between a father and a son.