作业帮雅思小作文,本人英文不好,若有语法错误请指出
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雅思小作文,本人英文不好,若有语法错误请指出
According to this chart there is the percentage of national consumer expenditure bu category of five different countries which named Ireland,Italy,Spain,Sweden and Turkey in 2002
The first set of data including Food,Drinks and Tobacco is far greater than other 2 proportion.In these countries,people from Ireland and Turkey spent more over 25% while other countries` expenditure under 20%.People`s spending even reached 28.91% in Ireland and 32.14% in Turkey.
All of the five countries spending on Clothing and Footwear is under 10%,but at least over 5%.As for Leisure and Education expenses is incredible less.Turkey spent the most,but the only 4.35%.The expenditure of other 4 countries is even less 4%.
By the above we can see that part of Food,Drinks and Tobacco is the most important aspects in these five countries.So,in our life`s also more should pay attention to the importance of food.
但是能不能麻烦大家在指出错误的同时告诉我正确的用法或者建议？我确实已经很久没学英语了，
According to this chart there is the percentage of national consumer expenditure bu category of five different countries which named Ireland,Italy,Spain,Sweden and Turkey in 2002
The first set of data including Food,Drinks and Tobacco is far greater than other 2 proportion.In these countries,people from Ireland and Turkey spent more over 25% while other countries` expenditure under 20%.People`s spending even reached 28.91% in Ireland and 32.14% in Turkey.
All of the five countries spending on Clothing and Footwear is under 10%,but at least over 5%.As for Leisure and Education expenses is incredible less.Turkey spent the most,but the only 4.35%.The expenditure of other 4 countries is even less 4%.
By the above we can see that part of Food,Drinks and Tobacco is the most important aspects in these five countries.So,in our life`s also more should pay attention to the importance of food.
但是能不能麻烦大家在指出错误的同时告诉我正确的用法或者建议？我确实已经很久没学英语了，
其实,你应该插入图片.这样方便大家看.
我的修改如下：
This graph shows the distribution of consumer expenditure by categories in five different countries, including Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in the year of 2002. 首句点明主题
Three categories of expenditure are addressed in this graph: Food, drinks and tobacco serve as the first category, Clothing and footwear as the second category, and Leisure and education as the last. 点明三个分类.
下面论述时,先总起句表明观点,然后再列数据；如,总的来说,第一类消费大大超过其他两项消费.In general, the expenditure on the first category surpasses the other two. People in... spent...
然后再提一个观点,如,休闲教育还没有时装消费多.然后再列数据.
这样子写的话,条理就很清楚了.雅思打分是结构、语句、用词都要看的.结构清楚了,就算语言用词不是很精准,分数也会高点.
目前的样子,结构不明确、论点不清晰、用词不够准确.但是句子比较长（即非大量短句) 可理解,现在能够得5分到5.5分.如果结构清楚了,虽然语句不是很准确,也能拔到6分的样子.
我的修改如下：
This graph shows the distribution of consumer expenditure by categories in five different countries, including Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in the year of 2002. 首句点明主题
Three categories of expenditure are addressed in this graph: Food, drinks and tobacco serve as the first category, Clothing and footwear as the second category, and Leisure and education as the last. 点明三个分类.
下面论述时,先总起句表明观点,然后再列数据；如,总的来说,第一类消费大大超过其他两项消费.In general, the expenditure on the first category surpasses the other two. People in... spent...
然后再提一个观点,如,休闲教育还没有时装消费多.然后再列数据.
这样子写的话,条理就很清楚了.雅思打分是结构、语句、用词都要看的.结构清楚了,就算语言用词不是很精准,分数也会高点.
目前的样子,结构不明确、论点不清晰、用词不够准确.但是句子比较长（即非大量短句) 可理解,现在能够得5分到5.5分.如果结构清楚了,虽然语句不是很准确,也能拔到6分的样子.