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高考 英语作文 假设你的英文名字为Jack,是英国诺丁汉大学的中国留学生.你负责为在该校就读的32名中国学生筹划圣诞节期

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高考 英语作文
假设你的英文名字为Jack,是英国诺丁汉大学的中国留学生.你负责为在该校就读的32名中国学生筹划圣诞节期间的苏格兰之行,为期7天,请你给诺丁汉的STA(Students' Travel Agency)经理Phil发一封电子邮件,联系有关事宜.要点如下:
1.希望能够派车接送
2.需要一名说标准英语并非常熟悉苏格兰的导游
3.请求告知旅行日程及就餐、旅馆、费用等情况
4.你的联系方式:电子邮件:Jackwang@yahoo.com.cn或者电话号码:07747745007
旅馆住宿accommodation 旅行日程安排itinerary 长途客车coach
Hi,Phil,
I'd like you to orgainize a trip to Scotland for us.(括号前为提示括号后为我自己写的)There are 32 Chinese students planning to visit Scotland during Christmas and I am in charge of it as an overseas student in Nottingham University.The journey is expected to be 7 days long.I ask you for helping me.
First,we hope that you could send a coach to us as it is absolutely necessary in Scotland.Second,we need a tour guide who can not only speak fluent English well,but also are familiar to Scotland.Last but not least,we expect to be notified the itinerary and things about dining,accommodation,and fees.
Please call me at 07747745007.I am looking foward to your reply!
(后面的格式是题目中给的固定的)
Yours,Truly,
提供详细批改 包括
短语用得不对的地方 语法错误 低级错误
更高级的句型 润色的建议
作为高考作文不足之处
和优秀文章的差距
not only but also 你最好把also省略了,一般没有这么直白的套用句型的,另外first,second太俗了,老师不能加分,用用什么above all首先in addition 此外whats more其次什么的,能润色不少,你的作文真是俗,就是很多人都会写的那种,建议你用用许多别的词组,不然这作文就像初中生一样赶不上时代了,如果有什么需要可以追问,哦,作文有点短啊,怎么也得100词吧,你说呢
再问: 请问 怎么改呀
再答: 你把first什么的换别的,老师没说过吗?also去掉,再拓展点写啊,你这作文要是高考那就是泥牛入海,必须有心意,要我说你别嫌费劲,重写一次,很多地方不是改的,
再问: 请提供一些具体化的建议吧 我还可以再润色~
再答: 语法方面真没挑出来什么,你的格式不对,yours xxx写在右下角,开头最好用respected manager phil,我写了一句话你看如何here I have a group of 32 Chinese students studying in Nottingham University, who want to go on a seven day tour during the Christmas days. I hope we can have a coach that will take us to Scotland and bring us back to Nottingham. 应该能更润色不少,注意用用as well as 之类的,告诉你,一定用许多对于你们来说新的词汇短语什么的,因为老师都不喜欢看千篇一律的作文,那样会加不少分,希望能帮到你,