英语考研作文：修改病句,删除多余句子,充实内容!请说出你的见解,不论什么都我都虚心接受!

英语考研作文：修改病句,删除多余句子,充实内容!请说出你的见解,不论什么都我都虚心接受!
这篇是我根据2005年考研图画作文写的,并且借鉴了许多高人的精华!如果句子普通、重复、简单及别人已经用过很多次没有亮点也请指正!
Filial piety
As is vividly betrayed in the drawing above,a special football game is being held.Three sons and a daughter as the football players view their parent as a ball.They stand in front of the net against the ball getting scores.The drawing does indicate a fact in our society and is most thought-provoking.
The implied meaning which is conveyed in the drawing should be taken into account more seriously.And the ball is associated with the old people,to be exact,the men who are too old to take care of themselves in their daily life.But their children confronting are not willing to support their poor parents,even if these adults are quite rich!What’s worse,the moral decline is corrupting our society and threatening our young children,i.e.the adults set a bad example to our young generation.
It’s essential for our young people to derive positive implications from the above drawing.Historically speaking,our ancestors placed great emphasis on filial piety; now we advocate the harmonious society,including supporting the old people.Our parents devote themselves to looking after us when we are young; we should in turn support them when they are old.So it’s worth calling for whole society to inherit and develop the traditional virtue----filial piety.Only in this way can the world be in harmony!
漫画中间是一个蜷缩成一团的老人,漫画左上右上,左下,右下分别为老人的大儿子、二儿子、小儿子和小女儿.每个人后面均有一个足球门.
大致意思是现在的子女都不赡养父母,将父母像足球一样踢来踢去

匆忙看过,只说一点.
其实写的很不错了,字数,短语以及从从句都很好了,词汇量很好.但是总体感觉,太生硬,很多直接从中文易过来的感觉.总之,个人感觉,还是多看看英文的东西,练练语感,语感还是很重要的.
能看到的问题如下：
1、第二行的parent应该是复数
2、倒数第三行,calling for 后面加the.
3、 And the ball is associated with the old people,to be exact,the men who are too old to take care of themselves in their daily life.
is associated with 太生硬,字面的意思,应该用related,表示的意思.to be exact,错误,应该是exactly.后面的the men 用法有问题,这样子只是特指男人了,去掉the即可
4.、filial piety,本人只是有限,不知道词,不知是否题目里面提示给的词语,不过爱词霸里面查询好像这个词用的不多呢,意思不是很好用,可以考虑换一下,或者只是用love,look after这样平常的词语也可以
5、最后一段第一句above可以去掉,画蛇添足了.
6、Historically speak有问题,太生硬.
大致是这么多