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写给教授的一封英文信 请帮我看看

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写给教授的一封英文信 请帮我看看
Prof.Lamb
I’m a college student in South China Normal University,major in psychology.As yearning towards the top-class education in Cambridge,I do hope to be a postgraduate student in your department in the next year.
My current GPA is about 3.2.And I have some volunteer experiences which related with psychology also with some research experiences.The highest honor is University Scholarship.My IELTS score have not come out yet.
I’m wondering am I suitable for the MPhil in Social and Developmental Psychology course?
Thanks for your time.I am looking forward your reply.
Sincerely yours,XXX
Dear Prof.Lamb
I’m a college(去掉college) student in South China Normal University(校名最好再查查,你这个说法很奇怪),major in psychology.As yearning towards the top-class education in Cambridge,I do hope to be a postgraduate student in your department in the next year( 去掉 in the,直接说 next year 就好了).
My current GPA is about 3.2.And I have some volunteer experiences which related with psychology also with(把also with 改成 as well as) some research experiences.The highest honor is University Scholarship(你想表达你拿了学校的最高奖学金么,Once I won the highest scholarship in my university).( And ,加个连接词)My current GPA is about 3.2.(But) my IELTS score have(改成 has) not come out yet.
I’m wondering( whether) I am suitable for the MPhil in Social and Developmental Psychology course (or not) .
Thanks for your patient.I am looking forward (to )your reply.
Sincerely yours,XXX