雅思小作文,曲线的,求批改,求指错
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雅思小作文,曲线的,求批改,求指错
谢谢各位大牛及烤鸭同路人!
The line graph illustrates the death rate and the birth rate in a developing country between 1900 to 1970.
It is clearly that at the first decade(1900~1910) both death rate and birth rate kept 40%,after which the data shows a fluctuation.The death rate rose rapidly and finally peaked up at 60% in 1920.Then,it dropped down as a same speed when it rose and stopped till 1940.from the period 1940 to 1970,death rate maintained a slight fluctuation.
Coming to the birth rate,a slight decrease from 4o% in 1900 to 35% in 1930.From then on ,the birth rate surpassed to the death rate and reached the highest point(roughly 50%) in 1940,while death rate were showed the lowest.After a sharp raise the tendency became decline and moderation.And the rates in birth and death stood at 30% and 20% in 1970,respectively.
Overall,along with the country developed in 70 years,its death rate and birth rate changed a lot and turned to be better in the future.What’s more,the birth rate finally higher than the death rate.
谢谢各位大牛及烤鸭同路人!
The line graph illustrates the death rate and the birth rate in a developing country between 1900 to 1970.
It is clearly that at the first decade(1900~1910) both death rate and birth rate kept 40%,after which the data shows a fluctuation.The death rate rose rapidly and finally peaked up at 60% in 1920.Then,it dropped down as a same speed when it rose and stopped till 1940.from the period 1940 to 1970,death rate maintained a slight fluctuation.
Coming to the birth rate,a slight decrease from 4o% in 1900 to 35% in 1930.From then on ,the birth rate surpassed to the death rate and reached the highest point(roughly 50%) in 1940,while death rate were showed the lowest.After a sharp raise the tendency became decline and moderation.And the rates in birth and death stood at 30% and 20% in 1970,respectively.
Overall,along with the country developed in 70 years,its death rate and birth rate changed a lot and turned to be better in the future.What’s more,the birth rate finally higher than the death rate.
刚考完第二次,看到烤鸭战友格外亲切.因为没见到题,所以就您的习作本身说一下吧,由于本身能力有限,如果有漏的地方或者您有疑惑的地方,你可以追问,我一定尽力解答.
1、clear是形容词,clearly是副词,it is 后面应该是形容词.
2、本文是过去时,shows应改为showed.
3、peak本身就是最高的意思,所以不用加at,或者改为shot up.
4、 “it dropped down as a same speed ” as是不是应该改成at?后面的冠词用the,而不是a.
5、“the period 1940 ” 中的period后面有of.
6、“were showed”,我觉得showed就够了,were删了吧,还是您是想表示被动吗?
7、lowest后面应该有名词,不能单用一个最高级.
8、“ What’s more, the birth rate finally higher than the death rate” 缺少谓语动词,finally前加个were.
希望对您有所帮助,预祝雅思考试顺利!
1、clear是形容词,clearly是副词,it is 后面应该是形容词.
2、本文是过去时,shows应改为showed.
3、peak本身就是最高的意思,所以不用加at,或者改为shot up.
4、 “it dropped down as a same speed ” as是不是应该改成at?后面的冠词用the,而不是a.
5、“the period 1940 ” 中的period后面有of.
6、“were showed”,我觉得showed就够了,were删了吧,还是您是想表示被动吗?
7、lowest后面应该有名词,不能单用一个最高级.
8、“ What’s more, the birth rate finally higher than the death rate” 缺少谓语动词,finally前加个were.
希望对您有所帮助,预祝雅思考试顺利!