作业帮第一次写雅思作文,语法时态看下.大概能得几分啊,
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：拍题作业网作业帮 分类：综合作业 时间：2024/05/01 12:36:54
第一次写雅思作文,语法时态看下.大概能得几分啊,
Does modern technology make life more convenient,or was life better when technology was simpler?What’s your opinion?
提纲：1.尽管现代科技是我们的生活变得节奏更快、更紧张,但与它带给我们的好处相比,这些都显得微不足道.我认为人们的生活已离不开现代科技.
2.现代科技让生活更便利.过去与现在对比,举例：交通、电灯、电话、网络.
3.如果没有现代科技,生活会怎样.描述人的一天生活.
4.总结：现代科技对于生活是利大于弊.感觉到压力的人应该学会自我调整.
Although the step of our life has become faster due to modern technology to some extent,science and technology has much more merits than demerits.I guess that no modern man can live without modern technology completely.
Undoubtly,hi-technology makes our life more convenient.In the days of pretechnological times,it takes people more time to travel from one place to another.Thanks to the invention of steamed machine,we can take a bus or even an airplane so that we don’t miss some significant event.Before the invention of telephone,friends,relatives or lovers wrote letters to keep their relationships.Albeit it’s some kind of romantic and emotional,if there came some emergency,the distance between the two sides would be a big problem,and it might take several weeks for a letter to arrive.Thanks to Alexander Graham Bell,today,we have telephone which converts the distance from miles to steps.What’s more,the electric light lights our life; the internet enrichs our activities; the hi-tech medical therapy saves our lives.
Let’s image a life being isolated from modern technology.Every morning people walk downstairs without the elevator ,even if they live in high-rise flats.They rush to their office or other places without buses,motorcycles or even bicycles.Maybe they can travel by carriage to get to their destinations thousand miles away.At that time,you found that an important file was left in home,and it would take only a few seconds to inform your wife to bring it to you,if you have a telephone.But now,you have to return to your home and took the file by yourself.What a day!Will it drive you mad?I guess so.
Frankly speaking,modern technology has become part of our life.If you suffer from the pressure brought by it,it’s better for you to adjust by yourself,since the life without it would be a greater distress to any modern people.
Does modern technology make life more convenient,or was life better when technology was simpler?What’s your opinion?
提纲：1.尽管现代科技是我们的生活变得节奏更快、更紧张,但与它带给我们的好处相比,这些都显得微不足道.我认为人们的生活已离不开现代科技.
2.现代科技让生活更便利.过去与现在对比,举例：交通、电灯、电话、网络.
3.如果没有现代科技,生活会怎样.描述人的一天生活.
4.总结：现代科技对于生活是利大于弊.感觉到压力的人应该学会自我调整.
Although the step of our life has become faster due to modern technology to some extent,science and technology has much more merits than demerits.I guess that no modern man can live without modern technology completely.
Undoubtly,hi-technology makes our life more convenient.In the days of pretechnological times,it takes people more time to travel from one place to another.Thanks to the invention of steamed machine,we can take a bus or even an airplane so that we don’t miss some significant event.Before the invention of telephone,friends,relatives or lovers wrote letters to keep their relationships.Albeit it’s some kind of romantic and emotional,if there came some emergency,the distance between the two sides would be a big problem,and it might take several weeks for a letter to arrive.Thanks to Alexander Graham Bell,today,we have telephone which converts the distance from miles to steps.What’s more,the electric light lights our life; the internet enrichs our activities; the hi-tech medical therapy saves our lives.
Let’s image a life being isolated from modern technology.Every morning people walk downstairs without the elevator ,even if they live in high-rise flats.They rush to their office or other places without buses,motorcycles or even bicycles.Maybe they can travel by carriage to get to their destinations thousand miles away.At that time,you found that an important file was left in home,and it would take only a few seconds to inform your wife to bring it to you,if you have a telephone.But now,you have to return to your home and took the file by yourself.What a day!Will it drive you mad?I guess so.
Frankly speaking,modern technology has become part of our life.If you suffer from the pressure brought by it,it’s better for you to adjust by yourself,since the life without it would be a greater distress to any modern people.
我可以肯定的告诉你,4分都不到.
首先,雅思是进入国外大学的门槛,是要检验你是否达到基本的grade12的english,所以要有清晰的思路和几乎零的语法错误.
你有以下几个错误：
1.文章结构不对.一般来说分为5段,开头+3段论点段+结尾
2.没有提出实际的论点,只有一些假设（if开头）,老外是不喜欢看的,而且不会理解中文的思想.
3.要多用精简的句子.举例也不要太长,两句话足以.一般来说每段5-7句话最多了.
4.你的提纲有问题.我写一个给你作参考：
开头：
Modern technology has changed our daily life.（很抽象的总起句） People drive vehicles to work,use computers to type reports,and watch TV programs to entertain.（补充例子） Technology makes people live more easily because technology saves people's time on work,improves people's relationship,and provides people more job opportunities.(这句为整个文章的3个论点,要用排比.)Thus,modern technology makes people's life better.（总结句）
第一个body paragraph：（对应第一个论点）
Technology shortens people's time on work because new technology integrates lots of tasks that are helpful to do work.（第一句话提出总段的论点,但要用不同的词句去表达,用because 连接.）For example,when people do paper work,Internet is an effective tool that helps people find files.（第二句话给例子.）In the past,people wasted too much time on looking for an article in books; However,people now can easily search and read a lot of articles by just typing key words on the Internet.(解释例子) The increased rate of doing work can even provide employees a chance of promotion.(再扩展例子) Thus,technology helps people do their work fast.(总结句总结论点)
第二个body paragraph：（对应第二个论点,总体结构和上一段一样）
Technology helps people to build relationship with others because modern technology is popular in all over the world.Cell phone is a recent technical product,and functions in offering long-distance conversation.One advantage of cell phone is its size,which is so small and easy to carry anywhere.If people have cell phones,they can receive their families’ or friends’ calls anywhere.So,they will get closer to their friends or families.Therefore,technology improves people’s relationship.
第三个body paragraph：（对应第三个论点,总体结构和上一段一样）
Technology provides people more job opportunities because a lot of new jobs require the technologies that did not exist before.For instance,a lot of teens choose network maintenance staff,which is a novel job position,as their career.Because more and more people use Internet,problems relating to the network come after.Network maintenance staff is the job position to satisfy Internet users’ needs.Thus,technology gives people more new job positions to choose.
结尾：(结尾要和开头相对应,要总结论点.就像是把开头“倒过来”写.)
To sum up,modern technology improves people's life.(总结句) Technology saves people's time on work,improves people's relationship,and provides people more job opportunities.（3个论点）Modern technology has become the part of our life.We not only use modern technology,also enjoy it.(扩展主题)
首先,雅思是进入国外大学的门槛,是要检验你是否达到基本的grade12的english,所以要有清晰的思路和几乎零的语法错误.
你有以下几个错误：
1.文章结构不对.一般来说分为5段,开头+3段论点段+结尾
2.没有提出实际的论点,只有一些假设（if开头）,老外是不喜欢看的,而且不会理解中文的思想.
3.要多用精简的句子.举例也不要太长,两句话足以.一般来说每段5-7句话最多了.
4.你的提纲有问题.我写一个给你作参考：
开头：
Modern technology has changed our daily life.（很抽象的总起句） People drive vehicles to work,use computers to type reports,and watch TV programs to entertain.（补充例子） Technology makes people live more easily because technology saves people's time on work,improves people's relationship,and provides people more job opportunities.(这句为整个文章的3个论点,要用排比.)Thus,modern technology makes people's life better.（总结句）
第一个body paragraph：（对应第一个论点）
Technology shortens people's time on work because new technology integrates lots of tasks that are helpful to do work.（第一句话提出总段的论点,但要用不同的词句去表达,用because 连接.）For example,when people do paper work,Internet is an effective tool that helps people find files.（第二句话给例子.）In the past,people wasted too much time on looking for an article in books; However,people now can easily search and read a lot of articles by just typing key words on the Internet.(解释例子) The increased rate of doing work can even provide employees a chance of promotion.(再扩展例子) Thus,technology helps people do their work fast.(总结句总结论点)
第二个body paragraph：（对应第二个论点,总体结构和上一段一样）
Technology helps people to build relationship with others because modern technology is popular in all over the world.Cell phone is a recent technical product,and functions in offering long-distance conversation.One advantage of cell phone is its size,which is so small and easy to carry anywhere.If people have cell phones,they can receive their families’ or friends’ calls anywhere.So,they will get closer to their friends or families.Therefore,technology improves people’s relationship.
第三个body paragraph：（对应第三个论点,总体结构和上一段一样）
Technology provides people more job opportunities because a lot of new jobs require the technologies that did not exist before.For instance,a lot of teens choose network maintenance staff,which is a novel job position,as their career.Because more and more people use Internet,problems relating to the network come after.Network maintenance staff is the job position to satisfy Internet users’ needs.Thus,technology gives people more new job positions to choose.
结尾：(结尾要和开头相对应,要总结论点.就像是把开头“倒过来”写.)
To sum up,modern technology improves people's life.(总结句) Technology saves people's time on work,improves people's relationship,and provides people more job opportunities.（3个论点）Modern technology has become the part of our life.We not only use modern technology,also enjoy it.(扩展主题)