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托福作文,写的不好多包涵

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托福作文,写的不好多包涵
what are the qualities of a good neighbour
About two years ago,in a nippy night,my girlfriend suddenly felt a bad ache in her stomach
while watching TV.It is obvious that she should be sent to the nearest hospital
immediately,but the problem was,we did not have a car then!In despair,I knocked at the
door of my next door neighbour,Mr Li.At last,Mr.Li sent us to the hospital and my girl
friend was finally saved.As can be seen from the case above,neighbours are so important to
us that they can sometimes save our lives!In fact,it is the desire for everyone to have a
good neighbour.However,what is a "good neighbour"?Is there any criterion?Personally,a
good neighbour holds three factors as following:
One basic requirement for a good neighbour is not bringing troubles.Suppose a man who
always uses drugs with friends in his house.Once the illegal activities are revealed,they
bring harm to the fame of the whole community,not only the man himself.People from the
community will be shameful when talking with others over this staff.It is impossible to
regard a trouble- maker as a good neighbour.
Given the fact that,most people meet the basic principles,Another important factor for
good fneighbour is the respect for others.Since neighbours are people who live nearby,the
differences in behaviours sometimes can be the reason for a conflict.For instance,an
actress who always practices opera in the morning may disturb the old couple live next door.
To avoid this,neighbours should always keep mutual respect in minds,through sincerely
talking,the problems can be easily solved.
One holds the two factors above still can not be seen as a good neighbour.What is still
needed is a kind heart,or,to be considerate.If I run into some troubles,and my neighbours
just stand by and watch,it will be a nightmare!A good neighbor should be like Mr Li,
always ready for offering help.
From the text above,I have showed my opinion,a good neighbor should hold three factors
naming:trouble less,respectful,and being considerate.If you have not met such
neighbors in your life,never mind,try to be a good neighbour yourself!
2l的兄弟说的问题,我也想过,可能三个方面都是有点偏道德的。可是如果用你的观点,那似乎是在说邻居的重要性而不是好邻居的特征了,不过你的意见对我很有启发,也许可以加一条“好邻居应该做好我和community的桥梁”
文章总体写的不错,结构很明确,基本很好的阐述了主题,detail和example处理的都不错,但有一些语法和习语的小细节还需要注意
1.As can be seen from the case above----最好改成主动的AS we can see
2.what is a "good neighbour"--what makes a good neighbour
3.holds three factors ----three qualities/characteristics
4.an actress who always practices opera in the morning may disturb 5.As old couple live next door.---living next door
To avoid this,neighbours should always keep mutual respect in minds,through sincerely talking,the problems can be easily solved.---keep in mind,不用复数;through前面应是独立成句,用句号;sincerely应改为形容词;这两句逻辑关系不是很强,sincere和respect
6.A good neighbor should be like Mr Li,
always ready for offering help.--ready to offer
7.From the text above,I have showed my opinion,---收的很牵强,包括完成时的使用
8.If you have not met such
neighbors in your life,never mind,try to be a good neighbour yourself!---和文意无关,不加为好