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麻烦帮我改雅思作文帮我看看能得几分啊In some countries,it is now possible for p

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麻烦帮我改雅思作文
帮我看看能得几分啊
In some countries,it is now possible for people to buy a wide variety of foods transported from all over the world.To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks?
Throughout the globe,the topic regarding food never halts to trigger public interest.In this context,some people hold the rumours that if every one can buy the food that import from other place will make the difference between countries disappearing.However,others support it is a advantage to both citizens and nations.For my part,I insist the latter argument.
Apparently,far from being and albatross around nation’s leader’s neck,imported food act as a major divers of nation’s economic betterment,with the assistance of civilians can by import foods easily,a multitude cities,be it big-size or small-size,can reduce the budget of public security fee.Since,legions of terrifically nationalism organizations like Neo-Nazism and Skinhead will negate their thoughts and stop their terrible activity by taste different nationalities’ food then accept their nationalities culture and citizen step by step.More importantly,the crime rate about murder hurt and robs foreigners and minorities can be shrinking.Thus,under no circumstance can authority ignore the significant fact that easily buy a wide range of food will be benefit for people and state planners,the campaign that make it possible to everybody to buy plenty of different food can not be non-executive,and should be preserved effectively,scientifically,and reasonably.
Nevertheless,a host of experts and professors hold the rumours that the way of run-of-the-mill people to buy various of food will let the distinguish between countries will be disappeared,still their view is unjustifiable and unreasonable,inasmuch as the headache can be solved by put the nation’s flag picture on the label of the food to distinguish the difference.
By the way of conclusion,I adamantly plump the argument that it is possible for people to buy different food will be the benefit for all nations and citizens in the world.Notably,no longer can authority overall the phenomenal fact of various food,it is high time to make a campaign to promote people to buy all kinds of food.
Throughout the globe, the topic regarding (the) food (has) never (halted) to trigger public interest. In this context, some (individuals) hold(rumours←这个应该删去) that if every one bought the food (imported) from other (places), it probably would make a difference (in) countries’ disappearing. However, (the others) (believe that) it is a advantage (for) both citizens and nations. For my part, (I would like to subscribe to the latter).
主要修改了下此段的细节错误,另外,观点部分还请楼主稍加斟酌~~至少逻辑上得说的过去啊~~
Apparently, far from being(an albatross around the neck of the government), imported food (acts) as a major (divers)←啥意思? of nation’s economic betterment, with the assistance of civilians can by import foods easily, a multitude cities, be it big-size or small-size, can reduce the budget of public security fee. ←这句话你想表达啥?里面的逻辑和语法都有很大问题.(Thus)(since不能表结果), legions of (extremely lnationalistic )organizations like Neo-Nazism and Skinhead will negate their thoughts and stop their terrible activity by taste (the food from different nations),(and) then accept (the culture of them)step by step.←个人认为这个理由太过牵强.
说实话.下面的看不下去了.楼主对复杂句式的驾驭能力不够,多练练吧,细节部分多注意,还有,别为了show深度而故意扯些很牵强的理由,这样只能起反作用.个人认为,这篇文章最多4分.
More importantly, the crime rate about murder hurt and robs foreigners and minorities can be shrinking. Thus, under no circumstance can authority ignore the significant fact that easily buy a wide range of food will be benefit for people and state planners, the campaign that make it possible to everybody to buy plenty of different food can not be non-executive, and should be preserved effectively, scientifically, and reasonably.
Nevertheless, a host of experts and professors hold the rumours that the way of run-of-the-mill people to buy various of food will let the distinguish between countries will be disappeared, still their view is unjustifiable and unreasonable, inasmuch as the headache can be solved by put the nation’s flag picture on the label of the food to distinguish the difference.
By the way of conclusion, I adamantly plump the argument that it is possible for people to buy different food will be the benefit for all nations and citizens in the world. Notably, no longer can authority overall the phenomenal fact of various food, it is high time to make a campaign to promote people to buy all kinds of food.