有篇雅思小作文哪位高手帮忙看看能得计分,有错请批评指正(这是剑桥雅思4 Text3里的WRITING TASK1)
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有篇雅思小作文哪位高手帮忙看看能得计分,有错请批评指正(这是剑桥雅思4 Text3里的WRITING TASK1)
The chart appears that the different suitation of post-school were reached by men and women in Australia in 1991
Form the graphic,we can see that women and men have a large of gap in some categories,especially in skilled vicational diploma,which have 90% men who were approximately 9 times as much as women in 1991.In undergraduate diploma,howere,the percentage of women were doubled than men who stood at 40%.The most similiaroties between the percentage of women and men hold degree’s suitition in Australia exists in Bachelor’s degree.And then,the men with postgraduate diploma were more than wemen,70% and 30% respectively.As the same time,in Master’s degree category,number of women less than men who attained 60%
The chart appears that the different suitation of post-school were reached by men and women in Australia in 1991
Form the graphic,we can see that women and men have a large of gap in some categories,especially in skilled vicational diploma,which have 90% men who were approximately 9 times as much as women in 1991.In undergraduate diploma,howere,the percentage of women were doubled than men who stood at 40%.The most similiaroties between the percentage of women and men hold degree’s suitition in Australia exists in Bachelor’s degree.And then,the men with postgraduate diploma were more than wemen,70% and 30% respectively.As the same time,in Master’s degree category,number of women less than men who attained 60%
第一句用show更好些 suitation 比较生僻,是situation?
第二段第一句话graph是名词,并且你一定要注意graph和chart是不一样的 第一句应该是 in many categories 还有large本身就是形容词,后面不用跟of.which后应该是has因为你用它代diploma. times是可数,用as many as.还有In undergraduate diploma和however做同一成分,它俩不能并存,可把however放后面些 还有the percentage of women ?这也不清楚 有时间再帮你改...我先睡一觉 你要多多加油了
第二段第一句话graph是名词,并且你一定要注意graph和chart是不一样的 第一句应该是 in many categories 还有large本身就是形容词,后面不用跟of.which后应该是has因为你用它代diploma. times是可数,用as many as.还有In undergraduate diploma和however做同一成分,它俩不能并存,可把however放后面些 还有the percentage of women ?这也不清楚 有时间再帮你改...我先睡一觉 你要多多加油了
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