高考 英语作文 假如你是李华,对今年一月出现的严重雾霾记忆犹新,认为绿色生活方式对于改善空气质量十分有益.请根据下列要点

高考 英语作文
假如你是李华,对今年一月出现的严重雾霾记忆犹新,认为绿色生活方式对于改善空气质量十分有益.请根据下列要点写一篇短文,向校刊“英语角”栏目投稿.
简述雾霾情况 倡导绿色生活
持续三周左右
影响全国多地 乘坐公交出行
乘坐公交出行 节约水电纸张
注意：1．词数：100左右； 2．可适当增加细节,以使行文连贯.
Greener Air,Cleaner Life（标题是题目带的）
Smog is serioius,with many kinds of diseases,really affect people’s lives.Smog means serious air pollution,and we can’t live without air.Dirty air is harmful to our bodies.Recently,heavy smog arrives in our country,which remains three week long.
The heavy smog affect many places in China.Northern China,such as Capital Beijing,has been under serious pollution.Even towns in the southeast are under smog.Drivers werenot able to see views clearly,and children were encouraged to stay at home.People who wanted to get ourdoor exercise hesitated,and everyone was not happy when they see the grey sky.
I advocate that we live a cleaner life.Taking buses instead of driving cars seems a good idea,and recycled water is also a must.Picking up waste paper on the floor and also reduce unnecessary waste.Avoid setting off too many firecrackers during festivals.We can also supervise the emission discharged by factories.
I believe that we can have greener air and live a cleaner life in the end!
提供详细批改 包括短语用得不对的地方 语法错误 低级错误 更高级的句型 润色的建议 作为高考作文不足之处和优秀文章的差距

第四行which lasted for about three weeks 更好,后面可以加一句we must take actions tofight for cleaner air here are some measure in any event 有一些有效的措施,然后引出正题更好
第二段第一句用it was really serious that xxxx更好,因为是强调句型,老师加分
第八行改为saw the xxx
第九行第一句改为opinion vary from person to person .as for me,i am in sympathy with that we should live in a cleaner life. 更好些
最后一段总结你得写一个语法高级的句子,我写的是if the condition being favourable, we may succeed.Greener air, Cleaner life前面的句子是独立主格,作文中写出来至少加3分,后面的句子照应文题,突出中心,我发现你没有使用过很多作文用词,我给你推荐一些,作文中用到既省词数又显水平高,参考这个就行http://wenku.baidu.com/view/7472aed276a20029bd642df6.html不会问我