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哪位大神在帮帮忙万分感谢,小弟英语作文不好,明早交,现在脑子混了不好使了.

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哪位大神在帮帮忙万分感谢,小弟英语作文不好,明早交,现在脑子混了不好使了.
作文题目
Topic(主题): Computer problems
General statement(一般的陈述):
Computers have a negative side(反面).
Details(详细资料):
. computer-controlled(计算机控制) machines(机械,机器) making many people
lose their jobs
. computer crimes(计算机犯罪)
. health problems(健康问题)
MORE TOPICS(更多的话题):
. The Internet makes the world smaller(世界变小了).
. People read for different reasons(不同的原因).
With the rapid development of science and technology, computers and we are like peas and carrots. The Internet makes the world smaller, and it Can give us many help, but in the same time, computers problems also appear.
To begin with, computer-controlled machines making many people lose their jobs, moreover, it can Cause computer crimes. along with it, also have many
Problems,like the surfer becomes addicted to, the computer radiation and so on, as a result, people are not healthier than before.
all in all, computer problems are so serious that we should try our best to reduce them.
请问,这个可以吗?