修改考研作文By briefly glancing at this caricature,with a thought-

修改考研作文
By briefly glancing at this caricature,with a thought-provoking phenomenon,there are four adults protecting their own gates to defensive move against their aged father,who is kicked as a ball and stay at the center of the children,has been apparently illustrated by the painter.In conclusion,all of these also can be regard as a symbolistic sign about supporting old.
Undoubtedly,refusing to take care of the aged parents,shown in the picture,is a serious social problem.This impolite phenomenon is widespread in one wave after another,although China is well-known as an ancient country which is pay close attention to etiquette.These unfilial people plead for themselves that they always suffer from much pressure of work,so that they have little energy and time to look after their own parents who have given everything to them.The excuse is intuitively compelling,but,in fact,it goes further than that.The root cause is that they allow their duty and conscience to give way to selfishness and immorality.
As I noted above,caring the old is a traditional Chinese virtue,thus all of these contained in our ancient culture and rooted in our soul.Therefore,if we notice this,the effective solutions are straightforward.Initially,the direct measure can be full use of the power of government department because of the compelling force.If the institution won’t take legislative intuitive,the administration also can help to begin fashioning improving actions.Moreover,replying on promoting education reforms is another good choice.The crucial reason is that education has the strongest power to internalize the compulsive consciousness from laws to possessiveness.Absolutely,if we start these two ways together,the result will be better.
是05年的那篇大作文，
图片信息是四个青年守着自己的球门站在周围，他们中间的空地上是他们的攒成球了的老父亲。

第一处 ：第二行 defensive是形容词 改成 动词 defense move against去掉 你要表达的是 保卫那个门 定语从句前面的那个逗号去掉 who不能用非限定性的定语从句 还有 为什么是children?换个词 然后has been 前面没有主语 你这个句子结构错误太大了 加上 the picture
第二处 ：第二段 第二行 aithough 要大写 第三行 pay 前面的is去掉 pay改成pays 倒数第二行 further 加上 more 因为是比较及
第三段 ：第一行 noted改成note
总之 你的错误很严重 你的问题是：模版的东西可以用 但是要灵活用 不用的模板地方 一定要用简单句子 别用从句 因为你实力不够 千万不要出现 时态 单词的错误 可以继续交流
再问： 首先当然要谢谢你！！英语是软肋真是头疼……不过关于模板的问题……只有第一段用了一个模板，那个has的位置写的时候我也觉得奇怪……不过因为是模板所以没多质疑…………其他的都是自己写的可是看起来很不自然对吧……唉好头疼……那个note的位置，我是想表示“如我上文提到的”，因为已经提到过不是应该用过去式吗？
再答： 不可以用过去式，可以改成完成时 因为你要是强调上面写得东西对下面文章的影响 所以要用完成时 记住 别用太花哨的写法 你驾驭不了的话就全是错误 还是那句话 不要出现错误单词 错误的时态 错误的语态 最后 从句慎用 一定是觉着完全没错再用 然后想要丰富文章骨骼 多用连词表达 例如 however therefore meanwhile notonly。。。but also 还有 快考试了 参加冲刺班之类的没有 或者有同学参加也行 要几个模版 好好背背 那个很关键 英语作文要的是形式和结构 不跑题 剩下的来模版很好用的