改篇英语作文,高考标准,小弟英语烂请耐心指出错误,真心谢谢

改篇英语作文,高考标准,小弟英语烂请耐心指出错误,真心谢谢

假定你是李华.下面的图画描述了教师节那天你们班组织的一次活动,请根据写作要点并参考图画内容,为校刊“英语角”版面写一篇短文.

写作要点：

1、活动的策划；

2、教师的布置；

3、活动的内容；

4、你的感想.

        

Mrs. Li, our English teacher, most have found it strange on Teachers' Day: she did not receive a single greeting card from us students. She would have never thought a complete surprise was waiting for her.

 I and all my classmates began to design the activity's strategy long before Teachers' Day .The different task was delivered to different classmate .

In an effort to give teacher surprise, we decorated every inch in classroom and spared no effort in doing it .Considering the money and limited,we arranged two part in this activity :Giving flowers and singing songs .

Entering the classroom ,the teacher got a complete surprise.From the picture,we can see the activity is successful.

I think that the activity can end with flying colors owe to everyone's effort .I can see everyone's passion and patience from the process.No one can deny the fact that the activity can keep our team spirit.

首先,由于要求是给校刊写文章,个人建议写得客观一些,比如开头改为“It was Teachers' Day yesterday. To celebrate the day, all the students in our class prepared a surprise for our English teacher, Mrs.Li.”（如果坚持自己的开头方式,则需要做以下修改）our english teacher可以优化成who is our English teacher(非限制性定语从句),使前后衔接更紧凑,同时注意English首字母大写.most have found it strange改成felt pretty strange.整篇时态都是一般过去式,这里应当保持一致,如果一定要用found则是“found it pretty strange that... ”thought后面加about,固定搭配.去掉complete,不然有些赘余并且很chinglish将“I and all my classmates”直接用All of us,避免冗长和错误.began 改为started,没有语法错误,只是词汇使用习惯的问题.将“design the activity's strategy”改为plan for the celebration.different classmates（用复数）“In an effort to”改为In order to（意思是“为了...”）“we decorated every inch in classroom and spared no effort in doing it .”调整为“we spared no effort in decorating the classroom”“Considering the money and limited”优化为“Taking everything into considerate”（将一切因素都考虑到）two parts（用复数）“Entering the classroom ,the teacher got a complete surprise”优化为“As soon as Mrs.Li entered the classroom, she was completely surprised.”,并在后面添上一些细节描写,例如,“One of us giving a bunch of beautiful flowers to her.” "And we sang songs for Mrs.Li together to show her our love and respects"(向她表达我们对她的爱和尊重,也可以用love and thanks,爱和感谢),最后再加上老师的感受,例如“She was  greatly moved by us”.还可以加一句“We spent a happy time together”.结尾可以简练一些,并且避免一些语法错误和用词错误.“Thanks to everyone's passion and patience, the activity turned out to be a great success.” 也可以加上您的最后一句“No one can deny that the activity can keep our team spirit”（但是the fact 有些多余,需要去掉）.希望对您有所帮助,如果有什么疑问可以随时提出,会及时进行回答.