SAT作文求批改prompt：DO people accomplish more when they are allow

SAT作文求批改
prompt：DO people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way?
帮我看看我写的怎么样,帮我评下分,还有老师能不能帮我举举例子啊,这样的题目还可以什么例子,我想半天想不出的个人,所以第二例子就用我自己的了,想这样一半用自己的可以吗》?还有你对我写的有什么意见你觉得我要怎么练习都请告诉我下哦,还有我这样字数够了吗
Fashion is a style that spread across every country.The so-called fashion is not a special,unique way to show yourself.Because you comfort with the same thing that people usually do.Publilizing the clothes,books,phone among the people.There is no way to achieve your personal accomplishment,creativity,and idea.There’s an old saying that are famous in china:”walk you own way,focusing on youself.This Oldaphorism had been verified by some great examples.
Nocludus Copernicus,He is a great and famous cosmologist that known to everybody.His theory paved the way to the modern cosmology.During that time,people were superstitious.They believed the God and worship it.The religious doctrine had no tolerate to people who acted in the wrong way.But Corperus was a expection.He establish the heliocentric theroy.Even though pope and clerk rejected his theory and still prohibit him from spreading the theory,he still insisted on it.Thus his discovery was a great contribution to the modern cosmology.He worked in his own way,no matter how uneasy the plight was.
I got the similar situation like copesnius.When I was little,I was not good at math.Especially the application,I could pass the test on every test.My teacher was mad.She asked me to go to office to make the correction on my test almost every time.
When i took test.May be i got too many time,he couldn’t stand me any more.She told me to go to her store to help her instead of continuing the education.That’s so rude for me.After that time,I was working so hard.I called my friend every night to help me do the problem.I put every wrong question into notebook that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.It’s time to graduate the elementary school on my final.I made 98.Afterwards,i am good at math forever.I know that practice makes your perfect and you will make you stronger
We might have many different difficult situation,but once we only focus on our way,getting rid of some negative opinion from other.The gold just situate in front of us.

你好. 我刚结束今年的申请.作文11,也不高,你的文法错误比较多,不一一给你改了,就给你一些建议吧. 首先SAT写作有几个规则：
1. 少用be动词,像is/are/am/was/were/been以及has/have都少用.所以 there is, there are这样的句式尽量不要出现.因为英语文法中认为be动词的语气是很弱的.应当用强语气,即动词,来书写你的句子.多用直接的动词!
2. 同样的,为了增强语气,要多用主动语态,尽量不要用被动语态.所以像你写的this old aphorism has been verified 就可以改成 Examples throughout history can verify this oldaphorism.
3. 一行十个字,50行写满,写到500字.文法基本不出错,行文规范,可以保证10分.

首段的末尾句需要承上启下.不要只说例子可以证明你的观点,要具体的说哪方面的例子,比如科学界/艺术节/社会学中/心理学中的例子可以证明…,这样稍微具体一点.

此外,第一段三到四句话就可以了,一般Although/Admittedly开头.开头太长又写不出彩的话,考官看着很烦.写出彩要求很高的语言能力,不建议你为应试这样费偏颇.重点还是要放在例子上,因为SAT和其它作文的行文方式,尤其是toefl大不一样.开头4行.例子段各20行,结尾五行.这样是很保险的布局方式.

because是conj. 连词后面只接一个句子是不完整的I love you because you are innocent. 这样SVO + because + SVO 才是正确的.其它连词比如although,but的用法也是同样.在准备SAT语法的时候,这些你就会学到了.

类似的错误在这篇文章中出现很多.就不一一改正了.

XX, a famous ***, is …./XX, a famous ***, achieved…
这是这个句式的正确用法..
XX,He is a … 这是错的….

另外长句短句相结合,不要都写短句子,也不要都写长句子.你的句子普遍太短.且句式单一.应多用副词,介词等开头.例子段开头不要上来就写例子,要先写类似推论句的东西.就像假如他没怎么做,他就不能怎么着.这是增强你逻辑性的句子.可以加分.Had he not done, he could not have done… 或者without… he could …; however, without… he could not have…

注意时态,三单.这样的错误太多了.

你把你写的拷贝到word中,就会发现有很多错误...

我建议你报一个新东方的写作单向和语法单向班.因为你这样自己准备可能会比较悬.如果你目标很高要上2200+的话,就差得太远了.

例子要自己慢慢写,一定要有耐心.这个题目属于挑战权威/创新/坚持自我类的题目.可以写的人非常多.

准备SAT题目的时候,一定要给题目都分分类,这样例子写起来才更顺手.

有问题再联系 祝你顺利~
再问： 我的句式就是这样很单一啊，我现在在美国没有办法报啥班级，只能自己写然后放上网了，老外老师顶多给我改语法不会啥句式句式的教， 你写的真的是太对了，可是我句式单一，怎么增强呢？还有你说用介词开头，啥的怎么用啊，因为在我脑子里句子除了is ，has 之外我不晓得怎么开头啊 还有你说题目分类，我是写完分类还是没写之前分类？我每次练习的时候要不要先找好例子再写呢？可以话能不能加我QQ654311032，方便交通啊~谢谢拉拉